2nd
I guess I should clear this up for guys who think that girls like that Axe spray thing:
Some Indian guy who is all too gullible and took the Axe body spray commercials a bit literally is suing Unilever (the makers of) because Axe failed to get him some ass. To him, and to my male readership, I have the following to say:
(The vast majority of) Girls don’t really like the way that shit smells.
Unbelievable, right? You thought that a $6 can of glorified deodorant would unlock a world of eager beaver, but reality is cruel and girls like fancy shit. I guess that stuff is alright (and just alright) if you’re a high school kid. High school girls are content with hookups in your living room while your parents are upstairs sleeping so they don’t really have high expectations. If she’s a bit older, making out at your parents will creep her the fuck out— shouldn’t you have your own place anyway? But I digress. My point is, high school girls wear Paris Hilton and Britney Spears fragrances, who are they to judge you for your Axe/Old Spice shit, right?
But a lady of discerning taste will appreciate a man who smells expensive and luxurious and oh-so-decadent and who makes her want to be all up on his business from just one whiff. And if you want girls to be all up in there (and why wouldn’t you, f’reals) then you want to smell really fucking good. So go to Sephora or something and pick something with a nice, fancy name that smells like sex in a bottle. Like the Prada I bought for Don a while back, which makes me want to jump him even though he is my best friend and completely off-limits. Like, if a nice cologne makes me want to jump MY BEST FRIEND then you surely can imagine what it’ll do for someone who is actually attainable for me. (I won’t get too graphic here but you get my drift.)
If you’re cheap, then lather up well while in the shower and let your natural musky scent win the ladies over. And by musky I don’t mean grimy, sweaty and fucking gross, I mean your manly scent that shines through because you did a really good job in the shower getting the grime off. The musky thing is no excuse for smelly dick. (Not that guys should be spraying their cologne down there anyway.)
Point is, throw out that Axe shit and buy something a man would wear.
