28th
Never Been Kissed
A homegirl posed me the following question:
Is it completely weird that I’m 19 and never been kissed? (I’m a girl, btw). I’m decently pretty and nice and whatnot, but I just haven’t found the right person. None of the guys I like are EVER interested in me as more than a friend, so I’ve kind of quit trying. But I’m getting kind of anxious for things to start going my way for once.
I guess I’ll address this bit by bit:
No, I don’t think it’s weird that you’re 19 and never been kissed. Being an MIT student, I’ve met 25-year-old grad students who’ve never kissed anybody, so don’t feel bad. It seems like everybody has at least kissed someone— I mean, it’s completely harmless and not a big deal— but trust me when I say that yours is not an isolated case.
Now, you say you’re decently pretty and nice and shit, and I believe you. But you shouldn’t really worry much about that, because people who are not that pretty also get kissed. So that’s a non-issue. What I’d feel inclined to think, based on what you wrote, is that you’re placing a lot of expectations on this first kiss. Epic first kisses are the bomb, let me tell you. I got my first kiss when I was 16 and we were in the beach at night and honestly, few of makeout sessions rival that one because it was that fucking awesome. I can still close my eyes and remember how good of a kisser he was, how luscious his lips were, how salty his mouth tasted. But some first kisses are awkward, some are funny, and some are romantic. Some are bad, too, but that doesn’t matter, because at least you can get the relief that comes with knowing that at least you know what it feels like, right? Worst case scenario, the guy turns out to be a horrible kisser, and you just pull back, call it a night, and step away from the kid. I’ve had nasty, slobbery kisses, and I just say, “hey, this isn’t really working for me,” and back off. His ego might bruise but good thing you let him know he’s a bad kisser, because now he can fix the problem. But you have nothing to lose from kissing a guy and seeing what’s up.
I also feel inclined to believe that, in addition to hyping up that first kiss, you might be super self-conscious about it and avoid situations that might lead to it. Before that one epic first kiss, I had SO MANY opportunities to kiss boys that I let go to waste! I’d go on innocent ice-cream dates with boys and the situation would be perfect for it, yet I’d never really show that I’d be down for it, nor did I initiate it. Looking back, it seems so obvious that the boys would’ve been more than down for it— who wouldn’t?— but I was just so self-conscious that I avoided it like the plague. I thought that they wouldn’t like kissing me because I didn’t “know” how to kiss. Like, what do you do with your mouth? Do you open it and put your lips to kiss and spit into each other’s mouth or something? Do you chase his tongue around his mouth? Like, what the fuck are the mechanics of kissing? Something tells me this might be the biggest issue at hand here. If this is something that worries you, don’t fret. Few people actually suck at kissing, and kissing is one of those things that we are pre-programmed to do naturally. It will come to you when you do it, trust me. And the more you do it, the better you get at it. I’ve been told I’m a pretty decent kisser, and I haven’t kissed that many guys, so you shouldn’t worry. Also, if you’re self-conscious and nervous, your body language will show it— you will physically distance yourself from the guy in a way that he’ll know he shouldn’t get close, and as much as we’d like, guys don’t read minds. Make an effort to seem more confident and at ease with yourself, and perhaps the guy will kiss you. (Or, if he’s shy, you should kiss him. Any guy put off by a girl kissing him is not worth any of your spit, seriously.)
About the guys only wanting to be friends thing— that’s the hardest issue to tackle. I have been there so. many. times! A year ago, I used to stress out about that big time. But this I learned: You have to be flirty right from the start. Once you’re friends, it’s hard to segue into hooking up/dating, because it’s hard to get a guy to see you beyond a friend. You might be the most kickass person ever, but if he’s learned to see you as a friend, it’ll be hard to get him to notice that damn, you’re fucking sexy and shit and why has he never thought about hooking up with you? So show them you’re awesome, but flirt heavily so that they get the point that you’d be down for more-than-friends. Honestly, for the most part I stick to hooking up with random boys— I’m usually looking sexy at parties, so I don’t give off that just-a-friend vibe.
So yeah, basically, don’t hype up your first kiss, don’t be self-conscious or nervous to the point where you might fuck shit up for yourself, and flirt your ass off.
