29th
20-year-old virgin.
Another question!
Ok, this one is bad. I’m 20 years old and still a virgin. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. I’m good looking, I act sexy (when I’m drunk), guys notice, guys try, but no one has gotten into my pants yet. I go through phases where I’m like “oh I want to sleep with someone I love” to “fuck me now!” Usually I’ll just do oral so everyone is *kind of* happy, but nothing lasts very long in the relationship arena. I’m definitely in that “fuck me now” stage at the moment, but I feel like I missed the boat. I don’t really think I can loose my virginity to some random guy now—he’ll know and be wayy freaked out. You seem to know of lot of things I obviously have no idea about…help?
Hm. I’m a bit confused. You say guys try, but nobody has gotten into your pants. That right there is a bit odd. Do they seem into the idea at first and then lose interest or something?
I think you don’t even know what the fuck it is you want. I get the impression that you want to have sex just to not be a “virgin” anymore (God, I hate that word), and honestly, I don’t think that’s a reason legit enough to have sex. You should have sex because you want to. This concept of virginity should not be freaking out anybody. Of course, easier said than done, because before I first had sex I would always be worrying that I wasn’t really that attractive and that was why guys didn’t want to sleep with me. That was a crock of shit, because the only reason I wasn’t having sex was because I was a picky bitch. (Still am.)
I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, because this goes against the usual advice dispensed in this kind of situation, but bear with me: Perhaps it is a good idea to have your first sexual experience be a random hookup. Now, I’m not telling you to go to a party, pick up a total rando, and fuck him upstairs. That shit is gross. My first time was with this guy that I had heard from my friends was fairly skilled in bed and knew what he was doing. He wasn’t sketchy at all, cute but definitely not hot shit. He was a chill guy who for some reason got a lot of ass. Anyway, the opportunity sort of presented itself, and I remembered someone telling me that if I ever got the chance, I definitely should go for it, so I did. It worked out really well, let me tell you. As far as first times go, I couldn’t have asked for more. I didn’t really tell him it was my first time, because that might have turned him on in a creepy way, or it could’ve completely put him off, so I just kept mum. And the guy didn’t really complain— he was really into how I was curious enough to try different things. Worked out for everybody!
So, um. If you could somehow find yourself in a similar position, I’d say it’s optimal. If you suck at it, then you don’t really have to see him again. And then if you enjoy each other’s company, perhaps you can meet up again! (We did.)
But… It seems like you’d rather not go that route. Perfectly understandable because I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody whose first time resembles mine in any way. As perfect as I think it was, it’s a bit out there. If you would rather do it with someone you’re in a relationship with, then more power to you, but, um, you’d need to first be in a relationship. And it seems like you’re not, so I’d say that’s probably a good starting point.
You say your relationships don’t last very long. Are we talking like 2-3 weeks or a couple of months? I don’t know how comfortable you might be with the idea of having sex early in the “relationship,” but that’s something I have always felt is ideal for me. In part because I just get overwhelmed if I really like someone and I just want to jump him, but in part because I need to know we have some sexual chemistry going on before I invest more time/energy in the “relationship.” So I’m thinking that perhaps you’re one of those people who just like to wait until they know the person really well to sleep with them. Hey, nothing wrong with that, but then I guess you should give the guy a heads-up. Like, letting him know you’ve never done it and you would like to take things slow, but that you’re open to the possibility. Perfectly nice and sweet guys might walk away if they feel like you’re never, ever going to put out, so I think it’d be a good idea to tell him what’s up. If he’s worth it, he’ll be down for it, and you can slowly ease into having sex.
Both of these options have their pros and cons and could definitely affect how you view sex after it. Having my first time be a one-night stand and seeing that it was actually fun, that sort of became my MO— at least until quite recently, when I found myself in some sort of relationship. So if you go that route, you might find it works best for you to have sex for the sake of sex, with no feelings involved. (Alternatively, you could be turned off from one-night stands, which isn’t a bad thing either. At least you’ll know what you like and don’t like.) If you have relationship sex be your first time, it will probably be way nicer. The guy will seriously be into you, and when a guy likes the entire you instead of just your body, things work a lot differently. The first time I had sex with someone I really, really liked, it felt magical and completely different from whatever I had previously experienced (as corny and cliché as it may sound). But— and here’s the catch— a lot of girls who lose it to a boyfriend get so hung up on him when they break up. You feel like you gave up something that meant a lot to you, and then things didn’t last forever. You might end up so, so hurt, to the point where it’ll take you forever to want to have sex with anybody else. Of course, thinking about these things might be getting a bit ahead of yourself, but I’m trying to give you a clearer picture of what might happen depending on what you choose to do.
But still, I wouldn’t get desperate. You’re still young, and it’s not weird for a 20-year-old to not have had sex yet. You probably know a couple of people your age who are in the same boat. Ultimately, when you meet the guy, you’ll know. I hadn’t really intended to have my first time be with that guy, but when I saw him, I knew I wanted to have sex with him. So it might end up being a one-night stand, or it might end up being with a boyfriend. Don’t stress too much about it, and just let things happen organically.
